Know Thyself
by Cora-DragonSoul
Summary: Nalu Oneshot - I sometimes headcanon that the Dragon Slayers are asexual - but I also think Natsu, a young male, would struggle coming to terms with that. So I wrote about it. And how he's not broken.


Lucy wasn't entirely sure what to do, and she was trying not to panic because of it. She had seen Natsu angry, she had seen him upset, or grieving… But she had never seen him look as distraught as he did right now. He sat at the top of her bed, knees curled into his chest, sobs racking through his naked body as he refused to look at her.

"Natsu…" She reached out to wrap her arms around him and pull him close. She supposed, though Natsu had been through so much trauma, she had never known his self esteem to take a shot like this. And he had shattered in response.

"I'm _broken_ , Lucy!" He managed to gasp out.

She cuffed him over the back of the head. Not hard, just enough to catch him off guard and distract for a moment. And to communicate her disagreement.

"You are _not_ broken, Natsu! It's not something that you need to be ashamed of. I promise you."

She had come up with a theory not long after they had started actually dating. It wasn't a new thought, to be sure, but she hadn't realised how close to the truth she was until then.

Natsu had apparently no interest in sex.

He definitely wasn't against physical touch; the amount of cuddles, hand-holding, shoulder touching and general contact prove that for certain. But he had never tried to take it further than relatively chaste kisses. It was like he hadn't even considered more intimate acts.

Lucy knew that Natsu understood the concept of sex. How could you not, growing up in that guild? So she had thought about it and had an idea, and raised it with Natsu.

Although it was brought up as gently as possible, the angry, defensive response hadn't come as a surprise to Lucy. Natsu had declared, at the risk of sounding like Elfman, that it "wasn't manly" and that he, of course, was a normal, horny, young male.

He had then yelled about proving it until Lucy had given in.

As one can imagine, it didn't go well. Natsu had ended up pushing himself to the limits of his obvious discomfort before realisation finally hit. Lucy had watched his face fall and his world crumble. And now she was desperately trying to put the pieces back together.

"But I… I just can't! That's not normal! I'm a failure…"

Goddamn Fairy Tail! Lucy placed the blame squarely on the shoulders of people like Macao and Wakaba for this horribly narrow view of relationships and masculinity.

"Natsu, please, listen to me! I understand why you're upset but you don't have any need to be. It's not the norm, sure, but that doesn't mean it's bad!" She was all but pleading with him at this point.

Suddenly his face morphed into an expression of shock and horror as another thought occurred to him.

"What about you? If I can't… I mean, I can! If you want me to!" He was starting to panic. "I'm a shit boyfriend! You'll need to find a better one. I can't give you what you need."

" _I_ decide what I need, thank you very much, and right now I _need_ you to calm down." She sighed and started to stroke his hair.

"I can go perfectly fine without for a very long time. It really doesn't bother me. If I feel like I need something, I have toys. I am not dating you for your penis, idiot."

Natsu nodded slowly against her chest. It was like he was reluctant to believe her, but very much wanted what she said to be true.

Lucy noted that Natsu had indeed calmed enough for the sobbing to have stopped, but he was gritting his teeth and appeared to be fighting back additional tears. As always, he was trying to be strong. It was breaking _her_ heart.

Slowly, she gingerly disentangled herself from Natsu and lifted herself off the bed. A small whine had her glancing back at him to find him staring at her with confusion and worry. She smiled softly right back at him.

"I'll be right back. I'm just getting a book. I need to show you something/"

She had picked up this book a few weeks ago when she had begun to suspect. It had helped her understand and now it might help Natsu understand himself.

"Here." She said, flicking to the right page and placing it in Natsu's lap.

She regained her position, folded around him, as he picked it up and read.

"See? There. You seem to fit that one the most. Obviously it's up to you how you see yourself, and it's okay if you change over time, or if you don't. I just wanted you to know that you're not broken. It's not super common, but it's also definitely not unheard of or anything. And it's fine."

"A-ass…" He had never been the best reader, and she figured his eyes were still probably clouded.

"Asexual. It just means you don't feel sexual attraction. That's it. You don't like sex. It's not a disease or a disorder or anything of the sort. It's just a word for people to help identify what their preferences are."

"Oh."

Natsu was clearly processing this new information, so Lucy let him sit in silence for a few minutes.

"Lucy?"

She hummed to let him know she was listening.

"And… And you'll still like me? Because I think… I think I don't like sex at all, even though I don't know why. And I'm not okay, no yet, but I think I will be… and… I think I will be faster if you're supporting me… but I don't want you to feel forced to stay dating me…"

Lucy just raised an eyebrow until he had stopped babbling. Their fingers linked together unconsciously and she rested her forehead against his.

"It's okay. You don't have to be confident in who you are yet. We're still young and still working that out. But don't you ever believe, not for one second, that I'm dating you out of pity or anything of the sort. Natsu Dragneel, I love you, and this is not something that can change that fact. So don't you dare try and push me away."

Five full seconds passed. Finally, Natsu grinned. His signature, wide, toothy grin that made her heart soar. She just wanted to see him happy. And she thought, with a bit of help, he might actually, one day, truly feel it.


End file.
